W. C. Fields : his follies and fortunes (1949)

BOOK TWO: PART TWO CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE A fter a trip filled with pleasant dalliance, Tielda entered Hollywood in the shiniest possible condition. He had heard disturbing stories about the desert before he left New York, and his car was equipped with strong precautions against thirst. He found the desert oppressive, as announced, and he took no chances. Every few miles he stopped and, by tapping the refreshment section of his luggage, mixed a drink. On the outskirts of the movie capital he eased into a filling station and had his car washed. He had heard, he said later, that it was very important, on the West Coast, "to put on face." Toward the end of the desert, his worries on that score were reduced to a minimum, for what with the sun, and its antidote, he put on a good deal, with particular reference to his nose, whose radiant sheen was matched only by that of his freshly scrubbed car. According to his subsequent accounts, he pulled up in front of the most gorgeous hotel he could find, climbed down, tossed his car keys to a uniformed lackey, whom he scrutinized carefully, in order to remember his face, and descended upon the lobby somewhat in the manner of Caesar returning from Carthage. He made "quite a procession," as he described it afterward. Several bellhops struggled along behind with his luggage, all of it pictures