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W. C. Fields
suggested, "a couple of cold poached eggs?" Snoopington dived for the bathroom, and Fields left, looking nonplused.
A kind of side plot in The Bank Dick involved a movie company that was stranded in Lompoc on location. The director had come down drunk. Fields offered his services, on the ground that he was a born director. "I've got the celluloid in my blood," he told the producer. It was a chance he had been waiting for. He assumed a hunched-up position in the director's sedan chair, which had "A. Pismo Clam" stenciled on the back, and was carried toward the waiting unit. Going around a corner, he stuck out one hand, in a traffic signal, but the chair overturned and he was spilled out into the street. However, on location he took immediate, expert charge. He surveyed the juvenile and the ingenue with distaste. The juvenile seemed to be about seven feet tall, while the ingenue was scarcely more than half that. "Are you standing in a hole?" he asked her anxiously; then he outlined the next action. "It's a football scene," he told the juvenile, who was dressed in evening clothes. "But what about this suit?" asked the youth. Fields considered, as if the point were well taken. Then he solved it by saying, "You can change your hat."
Through machinations almost too devious to follow, he captured the second bandit, again by fraud, earned the wild acclaim of the town, got a permanent job with the movie company, whose pleasure over the football scene was unbounded, sold an "original movie story" for ten thousand dollars, and impressed his family into subordinate devotion. His manipulations of Snoopington also worked : the distraught examiner was sick as a dog for three days, in which time a bonanza vein was struck in the beefsteak mine, and the money was replaced.
The final scene, and a great comfort to Fields, saw him seated at the dinner table of his sumptuous new house. At his wife's request he was finishing "a second noggin of cafe baba au rhum."
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